Through the looking glass

I stood in the window, revelling in the warm that enveloped me. I shiver with anticipation, running my hands up and down my arms as I hug myself. I inhale the sun, smelling the heat being generated by it.  A brisk wind flows through, surprisingly chilly in contrast to the sun’s heat.

There’s someone coming. I listen as the individual walks towards my door with a stomp-drag, stomp-drag gait. Marie. Coming to tell me its time to leave. I sigh at the thought and sit on the bed, suddenly tired though I’d gotten out of bed a mere two hours before.

She knocks as she opens the door. “It’s time”, she says, standing there. I nod impatiently and wave her away.

“Give me a moment to compose myself”.

The door closes softly behind her. Somehow, Marie’s limp annoys me. Reminds of my own shortcomings, I guess.

Crack, crack. My neck pops as I stretch and arch, shaking out the kinks in my bones. Enough lolly-gagging, I’m just postponing the inevitable.Time to re-acquaint myself with the world and it won’t wait around for me forever. I get up and walk towards the door.

Five steps. Turn left. The door is exactly three short steps before you.

I walk with my hand outstretched before me, weirdly afraid of the emptiness I can feel. I reach out, gasping as I touch the door. I lean my forehead to its grain, happy for the reassuring firmness.  Turn Back! Panic sets in, and I wrestle with the thought of running back to the sanctuary of my room.

But I can’t. I have to face this obstacle at some point or the other. I didn’t bring this on myself, though it often feels like punishment. This is harder than I thought it would be. But, ah, well. So it is.

I grasp the handle of the door, turning it to the right as I feel for my cane to the left.

And step out into the dazzling light of a morning I cannot see.




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