Silence

Remember what wisdom there may be found in silence.

Silence has been my friend and my enemy. It is where I go when I need to withdraw and tap into a inner source of energy, when my mind and heart is tired and I can’t stand to think anymore.

It has been the enemy as silence affords me the opportunity to muse and self examine. Late at night, when sleep eludes me and thoughts run amok. Everything becomes magnified a hundred fold – and the drama that is my life rattles the cage in which I have limited myself.

Tonight, it hits me from all angles. I struggle to breathe as I feel pressed down, drowning in the murkiness of the muddled thoughts that covers me. I fight and gasp, trying to quiet my mind as I am aware that I have work in the morning and I need to rest. It’s 2:30am. 3:05am; 3:45am. My heart is pounding as the struggle becomes real: MIND, be silent! I desperately need to relax and sleep. I need to empty myself. But sleep remains a promise, whispering to my eyes and body but never comes.

I whimper as words and phrases pummel my head. I draw the cover over my head, hoping to somehow block what is inside from the outside. A twist and a turn; re-arranging pillows as this order may quiet the disorder in my head. A sheen of sweat appears on my forehead from the pounding of my temples.

4:15am. A litany of sighs permeates the room.

I come awake, tangled in sheets, body exhausted from the night’s battle. It’s 6am.

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