” I won’t let go until you bless me” Genesis 32:26 This past Sunday, I spoke a message to a group of individuals that has since spawned some fresh musings in my head. It was about remaining in the city (St. Luke 24:49), about remaining steadfast even when it seems that your dreams and aspirations are taking longer to come to fruition that you thought.
Since delivering the word, I have still been thinking about it, evaluating my delivery and wondering if there were points that I could have reinforced and mulling over the parts that stood out for me. For some reason, the message still resonates with me, perhaps because I need to be reminded to ‘stand my ground’ despite many challenges and demands on my mind, body and spirit.
Just a few minutes ago, as I researched for a video I have to create for a course that I am taking, I wondered what caused me to stick with it though many days I am frustrated as ever, so tired I can hardly lift my head from the pillow after sleeping for several hours and when I know the rewards from this personal development journey that I have embarked on not only has few rewards but that it will take some time before they even actualize?
Wit and grit is what I came up with. Wit, that capacity for keen understanding, and a perspective that is enlightened and open. The ability to use humour to defuse what could be burdensome and contemptuous. Grit which I describe as having “Stick-to-it-tiveness”. In other, less creative words, the ability to persevere, against all odds.
It comes through in my ability to see the best in things though (dammit!) I REALLY have to search for it and dig deep within sometimes. The ability to laugh and to find moments of joy and pleasure even though I’m really challenged. To soak up those times because I know that I will look on them with pleasure in the future, knowing that I gave it my best, worked my butt off and it paid off. I know this because I’ve been here already. The years I spent pursuing my first degree were some of the most challenging I had ever experienced and now I reminisce that I would “Do it all over again – they were some of the best years of my life” (Haha!). Those years entailed days of hunger and sleeping on the floor of a family member so I could finish school. Days when I cried tears because the bill collector came calling and I had to decide whether to pay, not eat and miss school for a week or two because I had no fare for the bus.
Hindsight, I realize gives you a ‘rose coloured perspective’ on life experiences. Only, when you are going through them, you hate it with all you’ve got and pray everyday for the moment when ‘things get better’. That was true for me. But I also know now that they have made me the person I am today. I treasure my family and friends who came to my rescue and helped in whatever way they could. I learned to be innovative and thrifty- with time, money and friendships.
I guess, like Jacob who wrestled with God, I too have made up my mind that its do or die – I have to wrestle / hold on for dear life to that which I have committed to until my blessing comes. I know the hard work will pay off. I just have to stick with it.